i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
