Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
