The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
