can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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