just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
honey bunches of taint.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
