if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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