Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
