Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
