Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
