I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
