I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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