I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
