the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
