so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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