wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
