I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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