I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
