Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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