She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
