I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
