Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
