haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
