you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
