Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
