Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
