The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
