the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize