I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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