He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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