I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize