i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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