At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
