Sry I called you an 8
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize