I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
