it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
