Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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