I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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