we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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