Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
