he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
