2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
