hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize