WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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