Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
