mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
