Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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