I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
