If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sober January is a disaster.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
