You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
