I CAN MOONWALK!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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