Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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