okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
