"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
