Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
