Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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