Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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