I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
