Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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