I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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