oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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