Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
