i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
