Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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