We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
