Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
