We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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