its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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