I feel like abortions should bother me more
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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