Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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