well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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