Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
