I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
