I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize