hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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