i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
