normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
