Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
