At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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