This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
