We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
