just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had to cum in my sink.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
